Watching Cameron
by iyimgrace
Summary: He stood there for a long time just...watching. What goes through House's mind as he observes Cameron in the final scene of The Right Stuff, episode 2 from season 4.


_A/N: This was something that I wonder about each time I watch The Right Stuff. You could tell he was thinking about her while he watched her and there was a sense of loss or maybe even regret. _

_PS… for those of you caught up in my Sessions Universe, I deeply apologize for the non-update. I've hit a roadblock and I'm having trouble figuring out where to go. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Toodles!_

Watching Cameron…

He stood there for a long time just… watching. Casually observing her move around and minister to her patients. A guy with lacerations from a car accident. A man with chest pains because he was having a heart attack. A kid who drank too much and needed his stomach pumped. All of it was beneath her. All of it was mundane. All of it was boring. But she bore it like the true compassionate doctor that she prided herself to be. She was gentle and caring, attentive and conscientious. She was everything he hated about her. She was everything he loved about her.

When she left him she said that she had she had taken all she could from him. But he didn't believe that. He knew she left because she was afraid. She had left him for the same reason Foreman had - she didn't want to become him. He was making her hardened, dispassionate and overtly strong. He was making her a good doctor, a successful doctor. But she was so incredibly wrong. How could she not see that she would never be like him, could never be like? How could she not believe that her goodness would never allow her to sink to his level of self-hatred and misanthropy?

She was even more beautiful now than she was with her blonde hair cascading down her back like an angel. She had always been beautiful, she knew it and she knew he couldn't ignore it. He had told her in the beginning it was why he hired her in the first place. It was a lie of course. He always lied to her. His lies kept her at a safe distance from him. His lies kept her as far away from him as she was now. But it wasn't for her safety, she had to know that. She had to know that it was for his. Because she knew everything. She always did.

That night in his office, she had said that she would miss him. He wondered if it was true. He missed her every single minute of every single day since she walked out of his door. Since she walked out of his life. She had said that he would be fine. That much was true; he was fine. He had moved on. Like he always did. He was made of tougher stuff than that. At least that was what he told himself. He didn't need anyone. He was a lone wolf, destined to be on his own. Like he always had been. But the truth was he wasn't fine. He missed her deeply. He missed her like he missed the sun on a rainy day. He missed her like a suffocating man misses oxygen. She had been the one constant in his life for the past three years. And then she walked out and left him alone. And it took him much longer to come to terms with that than he wanted. Much, much longer than he'd expected. And here she was back in his life yet, not back. It was an oxymoron. It was a conundrum. Normally those things fueled him and inspired him. But this, just confused him.

He wanted her back but he would never admit that to her because she would just smile at him with that knowing smile that said "I told you so." And this time he might just cave. He wanted to ask her back but he wondered if she would even come. Would she take him back? What would her terms be this time? He laughed to himself thinking that he'd probably have to marry her or something just about as extreme. No, he would never ask her to come back. If she were to come back, she would have to beg. If she were to return, it would be on his terms. He couldn't allow her to be in control again because she now knew too much. Before, she was young and naïve, full of misguided hopes. Now, she was schooled in the ways of House. Now she had special knowledge about him and knew how to use it against him. No, he wouldn't ask her to come back. Because he would never show her how much he needed her. He would never show her how much she was right. About everything.

She approached him with that smile. It was a smirk, really. Like she felt she had the upper hand. He stared at her not revealing any hint of how good it felt to have her light shine back on him even if it was for only a brief visit.

"Three weeks, " she said triumphantly to him. "For someone who never misses something small, you missed something _big_."

"You're an idiot, " he told her gruffly.

"My hair, where I'm working, or both?" she asked without a beat.

He almost laughed. "The blonde hair makes you look like a hooker, I like it…" And with that simple insult, they were back to their old banter. He taunted and she volleyed it back gracefully. Like she always had. She could change her hair color, she could change her job, she could change her lover but she would always be _his_ Cameron. Even if it was from a distance.


End file.
